what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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