I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
