U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
