Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
