Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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