Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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