I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
