That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
