the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
