i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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