people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize