he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
