smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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