I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
