I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
