and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
