Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So much rum. So many feels.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
