So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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