I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
