Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think my moral compass just broke
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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