My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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