I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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