Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
