Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
