i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
