i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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