Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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