so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
