I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize