if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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