Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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