oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
