He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
