Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
