No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
