Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
