Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
