I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
