Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
