I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
