I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
