the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
