Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
