Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
