the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
