I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
