tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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