I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
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I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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