Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i think i just lost a toe
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
