He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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