If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
