A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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