I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
