so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
