she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
