i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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