he shaved USA in his pubs
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
