Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
