not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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