there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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