i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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