people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
