As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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