are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
