I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
