So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
