So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
