I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
