is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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