Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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