I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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