I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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