One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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