Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
