good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
