First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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