Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
