Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
